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Alyssa Wees

Please enjoy this little scene I wrote that would take place after the events of the book :)


The sun rose on Noctem, a place that had previously known nothing but night. The birds ceased their trilling and the foxes crawled backward into the lengthening shadows, their fast little hearts beating a solemn song. The roses in the stone church curled away from the windows, their soft, veiny petals burning in the light. Rabbits burrowed deeper into the soil and a murder of crows took to the air, winging toward the comfort of the retreating dark.

And from my temple of crumbling stone, I expected to feel the warmth of the dawn on my skin, but when at last the light touched me I felt absolutely nothing.  

I lifted the golden crown from my head, something I never did, not even in sleep. Without its weight I felt much lighter than before, but not like a feather—like a shadow. I tilted it this way and that, watching the gems sparkle in the light. The sun cutting across the cold stone floor, I cast my eyes down, and only knew I wasn’t alone by the sound of footsteps approaching.

“It grows heavy, does it not?” The voice was familiar, as sweet as dark wine. “I could take it off your hands, if you’d like.”

My heart should have been thundering—but I didn’t hear it at all, and that was how I knew that something was not right. I looked up. A man stood before me, tall and thinner than I remembered. His face was gaunt; his shadow held a blood red tinge.

“Mr. Russo,” I said, and nodded my head politely. My palms began to sweat around the crown. “I fear it would sit heavier on you than on me.”

“Oh, Miss Dragotta. Grace. Are we not past these trite formalities?” Mr. Russo smiled and it was not kind. He gave a mocking bow. “Please, call me John. Or Hypnos, if it pleases you. Not quite my true name, but—close enough.”

I set my jaw, and clutched the crown to my chest. “Why have you come?”

“To see you. It’s been far too long.”

A gray dove flew quietly into the temple and landed on the stump of a pillar razed low by the rain and the wind. I swallowed, and pretended not to see him.

“Only seven years in mortal time,” I said. I had been counting every one. “But for you and I, it’s near to nothing.”

Mr. Russo laughed. The echo of it fell like the clang of a broken bell. “‘You and I,’ she says, as if we are the same. As if we are bound by one thread.” He stepped closer to me, and I trembled like the leaves of the vines touched in the breeze. “You are mortal, Grace Dragotta, and do not forget it. It is only that crown which ties you to this land, and keeps you from Death. Oh, and from Life as well, no? Tell me, my dear: Are you happy here? I know you, though you wish I did not. Yours is a heart meant to wander. Just because you can no longer see the edges of it does not mean you are not still confined to a cage.”

“Have you really come here only to wound and insult? You’ll find, Mr. Russo, I am not so easily brought down. I am still the one who wears the crown.”

Slowly, and staring at him all the while, I set that golden object of his desire back upon my head, the one place he would never be able to touch it. It was no heavier to bear than a beating human heart.

Mr. Russo’s cruel mouth softened, and he looked not so much like a force of nature as a lost and lonely creature, one who has forgotten what he fights for but only that he must fight. What would he do otherwise? Who would he be if he stopped gnashing his teeth?

After a moment he asked a most unexpected question. “You still love my brother?” he said, nearly whispered, as if afraid I wouldn’t tell him a most marvelous secret—even if he wept, even if he begged. He waited, patiently, for my answer.

Yes. But the word froze on the tip of my tongue. I looked to the dark bird perched so delicately on a vine, as still and as silent as a painting. He used to always hover nearby, but more and more he’d flown away for hours that stretched into days at a time. Where did he go, and why? But I could not follow, for I had no wings, so perhaps it was not for me to know. How much of the mortal man I had known was left behind those eyes?

Mr. Russo saw; he followed my gaze to the bird and back. He stepped very close to me, and cupped one hand around the nape of my neck. I didn’t move, and hardly breathed. My heart still made no sound.

“He is a ghost.” Mr. Russo’s fingers pressed into the softness just behind my jaw and below my ears. His grip was impossibly gentle, but strong. “He is spirit, and I am flesh.”

He leaned toward me, and the moment right before his lips touched mine—that was when I woke up.

Alyssa Wees


ABOUT NOCTURNE

In this haunting, lyrical fantasy set in 1930s Chicago, a talented ballerina finds herself torn between her dreams and her desires when she’s pursued by a secretive patron who may be more than he seems. Growing up in Chicago’s Little Sicily in the years following the Great War, Grace Dragotta has always wanted to be a ballerina, ever since she first peered through the windows of the Near North Ballet Company. So when Grace is orphaned, she chooses the ballet as her home, imagining herself forever ensconced in a transcendent world of light and beauty so different from her poor, immigrant upbringing. Years later, with the Great Depression in full swing, Grace has become the company’s new prima ballerina—though achieving her long-held dream is not the triumph she once envisioned. Time and familiarity have tarnished that shining vision, and her new position means the loss of her best friend in the world. Then she attracts the attention of the enigmatic Master La Rosa as her personal patron, and realizes the world is not as small or constricted as she had come to fear. Who is her mysterious patron, and what does he want from her? As Grace begins to unlock the Master’s secrets, she discovers that there is beauty in darkness as well as light, finds that true friendship cannot be broken by time or distance, and realizes there may be another way entirely to achieve the transcendence she has always sought.


Available for preorder here.


Add to Goodreads here.

Coming from Del Rey Books on February 21, 2023.


Alyssa Wees

Updated: Sep 18, 2021

Hello, it’s been a while. I haven’t posted in the last few weeks because I simply Did Not Feel Like It. What have I been doing instead of working very hard on a post for my blog that probably no one is going to read? (If you’re reading this please know that I appreciate you very much.) Many things, including hanging out with my cats, planning and going to a bachelorette party for my best friend who is getting married in less than one month (!), working, writing, eating ice cream as summer winds to a close, etc. Also, and perhaps most importantly, I watched the second season of Making the Cut on Amazon Prime (for those not in the know, it’s a fashion design show). I’ve always been a huge fan of Project Runway, and while I miss it and don’t think Making the Cut is quite as good (unconventional materials challenge, my beloved <3 ), I’m just happy to be back with Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn as they judge people. It was a really good season, and one of the moments that stuck out to me was when contestant Gary was second-guessing himself, berating himself, and generally struggling (as he did every single episode, before coming up with the most beautiful, brilliant design), and Tim came over and said something like, “You know, Gary, I really do not envy you this, but I think all this internal strife and creative struggle is just part of your process. Embrace it.

Those words (paraphrased, of course, because I’m too lazy to go back and find the actual quote) hit me like a brick to the face. It’s part of your process. Embrace it. Easier said than done, Tim, but it’s still a really important and valuable point. It’s like quicksand, right? The more you struggle, the more you sink. I've found that half of writing (or doing anything in life, really) is overcoming the fear and self-doubt of doing the thing, but if I can find a way to acknowledge that the anxiety is there and that it's real, it's so much easier to proceed. To work with my anxiety instead of against it. And half of getting to the part where I can work with instead of against is taking the time to acknowledge that it's there. Make space for your anxiety, otherwise you're going to feel like it's crushing you, like there's just not enough room in this town for the two of you. Pull up a chair for your anxiety; offer it a seat. It's going to be with you a while—might as well get comfortable. One thing I've learned is that I will never be rid of my anxiety entirely. I can do things to lessen it, to live with it, to ignore it temporarily, but never "overcome" it. Because in the end there's nothing to overcome. It's just part of me, like my lungs and my face. And as much as I want to be rid of it, I've found that it's pretty freeing to admit that I won't.

It's not easy. And it takes time. But Tim Gunn is right: embrace your process, even if it means making peace with the struggle. Accept that you will struggle, but know that you'll also come out the other side. Even when you don't feel like you will. The only way to do a thing is by knowing that you can. The only way out is through.

Please know that I myself haven't mastered embracing my process in the slightest. Some days I struggle and some days I don't. But hearing Tim Gunn say it was a good reminder that it is possible, and it is a good thing to do. Embrace, don't fight.

Make it work.

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